Night Terrors
Last night my husband tried to kill me. Again.
I was sleeping peacefully in my bed when my husband rolled over. He didn't say anything, but I knew with every fiber in my being that he was going to put a rag with chloroform over my mouth and kill me. There was someone else involved too. Someone who had told him to kill me. I think this person might have been H.H. Holmes, the serial killer I just finished reading about in the book The Devil in the White City.
Of course none of this was real. I was having another night terror.
I was not surprised that a reference to this book had worked it's way into my night terror. In fact, while listening to the audiobook version of the novel, I realized that it was a real life version of the night terrors I have been experiencing lately. However, before I go too much into that, let me tell you a brief history of my night terrors.
When I was a child, I would sometimes bolt out of bed and stand shaking against the wall. I just knew there was something in my bed. Sometimes it was a snake, sometimes spiders. I would remain plastered against the wall with my heart beating wildly until I woke up enough to convince myself it was just a dream. When I use the term "woke up" I don't mean that I suddenly broke free from the sleep state. When I am having a night terror I do not feel asleep. So waking up from a night terror is not like waking up from a regular dream. It's like reality slowly creeps back into my mind and I realize that what I had accepted mere seconds ago as reality was completely untrue.
As I grew up, I had a couple of night terrors that my parents were going to kill me. In one instance I ran from my room on the far side of the basement, up the stairs, out the side door of the house, and down the long driveway. Lucky for my neighbor, whose home I was running to for help, I realized I was having a night terror before I reached the end of the driveway.
The worst case of night terrors happened after I got married. Suddenly, after a lifetime of having my own room, there was someone else next to me making noise and sparking all kinds of nightmares. The first month we were married I probably had at least one night terror a week. At first I imagined there was someone other than my husband and myself in the room. My husband would calmly tell me that it was a dream and tell me to come back to bed. Slowly my night terrors changed, and it was my husband who was the bad guy. Now when he tried to soothe me, I thought it was a trick, and usually looked at him with terror and mistrust. He quickly adapted his new strategy for dealing with my night terrors, which was to completely ignore me. I again almost knocked on a neighbor's door one night when I was running away from him.
I still have night terrors, but on a lesser scale than when I was first married. I've been reading up about night terrors on various websites, and have appreciated the information I've found. I particularly have found the nightterrors.org site to be a valuable resource.
I can usually laugh about my night terror experiences the next day, but they are not fun when they are happening. They are so realistic and I have no idea that I am dreaming. Imagine what it would feel like if you really thought that someone or something was trying to kill you. You then are literally running for you life. A lot of times it takes a while for me to settle down afterward. My heart continues to pound hard even after I know it's not real. The author of nightterror.org says "I find the most amazing aspect of night terrors is that it generates a heart rate of 160 to 170 beats per minute. This is much faster than the normal heart rate that can be attained under most stressful circumstances."
His definition of a night terror is "Sudden awakening from sleep, persistent fear or terror that occurs at night, screaming, sweating, confusion, rapid heart rate, inability to explain what happened, usually no recall of "bad dreams" or nightmares, may have a vague sense of frightening images. Many people see spiders, snakes, animals or people in the room, are unable to fully awake, difficult to comfort, with no memory of the event on awakening the next day. ... This, however, is not always the case. Quite a few people interviewed can remember portions of the night terror, and some remember the whole thing." I am one who usually remembers at least portions if not the whole thing.
Night terrors usually happen during the first part of your sleep, within the first hour, before you enter the REM portion of sleep. Usually when I have a night terror, I'm stressed or overly tired and have entered into a sort of restless sleep. One night in this restless state I heard my husband shift and the sound of his body moving on the sheets was so scary to me. On this occasion I was fully aware that it was him moving, but something about that sound was still so unnerving. My husband reports that a lot of times my night terrors are sparked by his movement. I find it fascinating that a slight noise sparks an elaborate story in my mind. My husband turns over, and instantly I have this whole detailed story in my head about him having an evil plot to murder.
I do not know if it is totally true in my case, but I did find it a little cool to read that night terrors happen to those with "active imaginations" and that they happen due to "increased brain activity."
I think it's interesting that so many of my night terrors lately are about my husband trying to kill me. During the waking hours it seems ridiculous to even consider the possibility of that happening. He's a nice, good man who has never shown the slightest hint of violence to me or anyone else for that matter. I think that's what adds to the overall terror of it all. Suddenly he's not the man I know. Suddenly a slow smile comes across his face and he reveals himself as a man who enjoys giving others pain.
This brings me back to The Devil in the White City novel. H.H. Holmes was just like the husband of my terrors. He was a charming and handsome man who seemed generous and kind and then suddenly he would show his true colors, those of a killer.
To me, I can't imagine anything more frightening than someone you love and hold dear revealing themselves to be absolutely evil. Maybe that's why, when my brain feels the need to pick the most frightening thing for my terror, it provides me with this scenario.
Unlike the women in the novel, I am glad that my nightmares can be woken up from, and that my husband is a genuinely nice guy. My heart goes out to those who have experienced the things I have only had to live in my dreams.
I was sleeping peacefully in my bed when my husband rolled over. He didn't say anything, but I knew with every fiber in my being that he was going to put a rag with chloroform over my mouth and kill me. There was someone else involved too. Someone who had told him to kill me. I think this person might have been H.H. Holmes, the serial killer I just finished reading about in the book The Devil in the White City.
Of course none of this was real. I was having another night terror.
I was not surprised that a reference to this book had worked it's way into my night terror. In fact, while listening to the audiobook version of the novel, I realized that it was a real life version of the night terrors I have been experiencing lately. However, before I go too much into that, let me tell you a brief history of my night terrors.
When I was a child, I would sometimes bolt out of bed and stand shaking against the wall. I just knew there was something in my bed. Sometimes it was a snake, sometimes spiders. I would remain plastered against the wall with my heart beating wildly until I woke up enough to convince myself it was just a dream. When I use the term "woke up" I don't mean that I suddenly broke free from the sleep state. When I am having a night terror I do not feel asleep. So waking up from a night terror is not like waking up from a regular dream. It's like reality slowly creeps back into my mind and I realize that what I had accepted mere seconds ago as reality was completely untrue.
As I grew up, I had a couple of night terrors that my parents were going to kill me. In one instance I ran from my room on the far side of the basement, up the stairs, out the side door of the house, and down the long driveway. Lucky for my neighbor, whose home I was running to for help, I realized I was having a night terror before I reached the end of the driveway.
The worst case of night terrors happened after I got married. Suddenly, after a lifetime of having my own room, there was someone else next to me making noise and sparking all kinds of nightmares. The first month we were married I probably had at least one night terror a week. At first I imagined there was someone other than my husband and myself in the room. My husband would calmly tell me that it was a dream and tell me to come back to bed. Slowly my night terrors changed, and it was my husband who was the bad guy. Now when he tried to soothe me, I thought it was a trick, and usually looked at him with terror and mistrust. He quickly adapted his new strategy for dealing with my night terrors, which was to completely ignore me. I again almost knocked on a neighbor's door one night when I was running away from him.
I still have night terrors, but on a lesser scale than when I was first married. I've been reading up about night terrors on various websites, and have appreciated the information I've found. I particularly have found the nightterrors.org site to be a valuable resource.
I can usually laugh about my night terror experiences the next day, but they are not fun when they are happening. They are so realistic and I have no idea that I am dreaming. Imagine what it would feel like if you really thought that someone or something was trying to kill you. You then are literally running for you life. A lot of times it takes a while for me to settle down afterward. My heart continues to pound hard even after I know it's not real. The author of nightterror.org says "I find the most amazing aspect of night terrors is that it generates a heart rate of 160 to 170 beats per minute. This is much faster than the normal heart rate that can be attained under most stressful circumstances."
His definition of a night terror is "Sudden awakening from sleep, persistent fear or terror that occurs at night, screaming, sweating, confusion, rapid heart rate, inability to explain what happened, usually no recall of "bad dreams" or nightmares, may have a vague sense of frightening images. Many people see spiders, snakes, animals or people in the room, are unable to fully awake, difficult to comfort, with no memory of the event on awakening the next day. ... This, however, is not always the case. Quite a few people interviewed can remember portions of the night terror, and some remember the whole thing." I am one who usually remembers at least portions if not the whole thing.
Night terrors usually happen during the first part of your sleep, within the first hour, before you enter the REM portion of sleep. Usually when I have a night terror, I'm stressed or overly tired and have entered into a sort of restless sleep. One night in this restless state I heard my husband shift and the sound of his body moving on the sheets was so scary to me. On this occasion I was fully aware that it was him moving, but something about that sound was still so unnerving. My husband reports that a lot of times my night terrors are sparked by his movement. I find it fascinating that a slight noise sparks an elaborate story in my mind. My husband turns over, and instantly I have this whole detailed story in my head about him having an evil plot to murder.
I do not know if it is totally true in my case, but I did find it a little cool to read that night terrors happen to those with "active imaginations" and that they happen due to "increased brain activity."
I think it's interesting that so many of my night terrors lately are about my husband trying to kill me. During the waking hours it seems ridiculous to even consider the possibility of that happening. He's a nice, good man who has never shown the slightest hint of violence to me or anyone else for that matter. I think that's what adds to the overall terror of it all. Suddenly he's not the man I know. Suddenly a slow smile comes across his face and he reveals himself as a man who enjoys giving others pain.
This brings me back to The Devil in the White City novel. H.H. Holmes was just like the husband of my terrors. He was a charming and handsome man who seemed generous and kind and then suddenly he would show his true colors, those of a killer.
To me, I can't imagine anything more frightening than someone you love and hold dear revealing themselves to be absolutely evil. Maybe that's why, when my brain feels the need to pick the most frightening thing for my terror, it provides me with this scenario.
Unlike the women in the novel, I am glad that my nightmares can be woken up from, and that my husband is a genuinely nice guy. My heart goes out to those who have experienced the things I have only had to live in my dreams.
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on Thursday, June 18, 2009 at 11:41 PM.
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